Free Advice (from the Dark Lord)

Lord Voldemort is currently helping pathetic souls.

Test tomorrow? Car troubles? Your TV won't work and you're about to miss that episode of Glee you've been waiting three months for? Neighbor's dog keeping you awake at night? Had a fight with your girlfriend? Have an annoying Gryffindor who just-won't-die trying to destroy all of your hard-earned Horcruxes? Drop me a line and I'll give you some great advice!

WARNING: Hopefully this doesn't need to be said, but just incase, DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVICE SERIOUSLY. It's all for fun. If you're really that stupid, then good luck surviving in the real world!

DISCLAIMER: I am clearly not Lord Voldemort. If you think I am, then you're an idiot, because he's not real. Lord Voldemort and any/all Harry Potter-related characters and information are the brainchild of J.K.Rowling. Just playing with them for fun. I also do not own any of the GIFS/images that might be used, unless specifically noted as such.

eclecticawesomeness Asks:

Hello dark lord! I noticed eversince you came back from Antartica you haven't been yelling at us as much as before. What happened? Also, I thought you were in HELL, how could you have gone to Antartica if you're in hell?

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

WHO SAYS YOU HAVE TO STAY IN HELL 24/7?!?!? PEOPLE LEAVE ALL THE TIME. THAT’S WHY PEOPLE GET HAUNTED AND SHIT. STUPID MUGGLE.

AND JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR COMMENT ABOUT MY YELLING I SHALL ENDEAVOR TO USE CAPSLOCK MORE OFTEN AGAIN. SINCE APPARENTLY YOU ALL MISS MY SCREAMING SO, SO MUCH.

crazierthanyouthink Asks:

Do you enjoy watching scary movies?

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

No. Because I am fucking fearless and therefore they are a waste of my precious, precious time.

Anonymous Asks:

Who have you had sex with recently?

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

My right hand.

~~Because Draco is being difficult and refuses to admit our eternal love.~~

Anonymous Asks:

do you ship barney & robin from how i met your mother?

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

OF COURSE I FUCKING DO. WHO THE FUCK DOESN’T?!?!

what-if-jesus-were-a-timelord Asks:

My Lord, do you watch Dr. Who?

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

YES. I LIKED THE TENTH DOCTOR BEST. HE REMINDED ME A LOT OF MY DEARLY DEVOTED AND DEPARTED BARTY.

imawkwardoutofcontext Asks:

My Lord, have you considered getting the spider veins on your head treated? It would further perfect your already flawless appearance.

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

bustmybrothers Asks:

You should meet President Snow sometime.

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

I feel as though we would get along, but I’d probably end up AKing the shit out of him and his coppery-rose scented self, because there is only enough room in this world for one douchebag dictator and I already have that slot fucking filled.

gryffindorkandproud Asks:

Right so say that Severus, Nagini and Bellatrix all all trapped in a burning building and you can only save one of them, bear in mind here the whole world will be watching so screw this up and you done for.... but taking into consideration all i said above....WHAT COLOUR SOCKS WOULD YOU WEAR VOLDY ?

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

I DON’T WEAR SOCKS. HONEST TO MERLIN, YOU FUCKING FILTHY MUGGLE, HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THE LAST FILM? I CLEARLY GO BAREFOOT TO BETTER ACCENT THE BLOOD THAT I PRANCE THROUGH.

REBLOG AND SEE WHAT YOU GET. (SOMEONE DO THIS FOR ME PLEASE)

imoonshine:

Red - I love you.
Deep Red - I’m in love with you.
Pink - I could stay on your blog for hours.
Yellow - You’re amazing.
Peach - You’re pretty.
Blue - I want to get to know you.
Purple - You’re hot.
Brown - I would fuck you.
Green - I would date you.
Black - I hate you.
White - Delete your tumblr.
Violet - FACEBOOK PLEASE.

(via fashionableslytherin)

cosettespeaks Asks:

What do you think of Bella Swan and her choices? I think she'd be a Ravenclaw if she was a witch!

freeadvicefromthedarklord Said:

THAT IS AN INSULT NOT ONLY TO RAVENCLAW HOUSE, MY GOOD MUGGLE, BUT TO ALL RAVENCALW STUDENTS IN POTTERMORE AS WELL. HOGWARTS WOULDN’T ACCEPT THAT PATHETIC SPARKLEPIRE-WANNABE IF SHE WERE THE LAST…WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE IS…ON EARTH.